Where to begin

Why now? Why start blogging this process now? Because if I don't get these thoughts and feelings out of me I am going to explode.

I am currently reading a book called "Be Your Own Shaman" by Deborah King. It is a really good book that claims that you can become a healer but first you must heal yourself. Healer, Heal Thy self. It also asks that you examine many beliefs that you have and figure out where they maybe holding you back. All worth while.

At the same time I got a hold of a mediation on Awakening Kundalini. It deals with really opening the root chakra and pulling from the earth energy and uncoiling the energy that is within our bodies. That hidden potential.

I am not sure which has done it, I sense that it is a combination of both... but I have reliving, rehashing, dreaming, thinking whatever you want to call it about my childhood and how devastating it has been to me physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

I know that unless I can clear these thoughts, get them out, commit them to paper, I won't be free of them. I can heal myself and others, and this is just part of the process. Such a painful process. Since these emotions and feelings have surfaced my back aches are worse and my temper is short and my patience is thin. The kids fighting feels like knives in my psyche. Waves of stress and PTSD wash over my body making every task painful. I just want to retreat into myself, push the world away and deal with the crap once and for all.

Having three children does not give me much time to dive into this issue, so I will have to do it bit by bit. I can not push these issues down again or be fearful of what others might think. Not facing the truth has done me no good in the past, just a deluded sense of security. How easy those walls can crumble.

If there is anyone else out there on a journey of healing, I hope that we can share our joys and triumphs.