Do you ever really get over it??

I would love to say that I am over what happened as a child and 18 months ago I would have sworn to you I was.

I decided early on that I would do my absolute best to raise my children in a loving manner free of physical abuse, uncertainty, addiction and a feeling of worthlessness. Holding my temper has not always been easy and I have not always succeeded in being the mom I want to be. I never hid the abuse I suffered from my kids. They needed to understand that it is a part of me. I didn't tell them so that they could feel anger towards their grandparents, I have always expressed that they were doing the best they could do from their level of consciencness.

My father passed when I was 22 and not old enough to really grasp the damage that was done, the relationship that was lost, and I never really got to express to him how his drinking created such havoc in my life. My relationship with my mother is good now and she has been there for me during some tough events in my life. There are times when a memory will surface and I will get angry at her all over again, but it subsides - or I push it down. Not exactly sure of which. I suspect the latter.

Anyway, I have this insane love of animals and of kids, especially middle to high school kids. It is such a rough time in their life and I believe that to many parents drop off the radar just because their kids seem grown... they are not, it is just an act. I have opened my home to a few kids who just needed a place to be. Maybe they would stay for dinner or for a couple of days. These were all friends of my girls, that I love like my own. All of this lead my husband and I to think about foster care. There are so many kids, teens especially that need a good, loving, stable environment that they can call home. I have a big heart and I want to fill it with love and really felt that through fostering a child I would be able to really make a difference. Well it definitely made a difference and I will never be the same.