While reading the book "Truth Heals" (yeah I am a self-help book kind of person), a major theme in my life clicked for me. I didn't even get past the first chapter that talks about the root chakra and the effect on your life when it is out of balance. The book by Deborah King http://www.deborahkingcenter.com/ lists descriptions of symptoms of the root chakra dysfunction, here are the ones that fit me:
- A feeling of being ungrounded with the sensation of not really being here
- Poor focus and discipline
- Survival issues (sometimes I just really want to go back home to the other side so bad that I ache)
- anxiety, restlessness
- lack of organization skills
- feelings of abandonment
- financial difficulties
- low energy or lack of physical power
- Here is what this can lead to:
Eating disorders - adrenal insufficiency
- problems with feet, legs, or coccyx
- rectal or colon cancer
- spinal problems
- immune related disorders (fibromyalgia, chronic pain)
- osteoporosis or other bone problems
This pegged me. The book went on to describe how many people who suffered traumas such as abuse, major illness, shocking events, natural disasters, and even surgery are more at risk for having a root chakra out whack.
I started to think of my early years. I was sick. I had a kidney reflux that was not diagnosed until I was 3. Before it was diagnosed I suffered from chronic kidney infections, UTI's, and ear infections. I can only imagine that having a baby so sick had to have been exhausting, beyond challenging, and so very frustrating.
What I was left with from the experience - is this feeling that being sick makes you weak, worthless, and unworthy. Those words were never expressed by any family member, they would probably think I am oversensitive, but my actions all these years later tell a different story.
When I was a sophomore in high school I became really sick. Swollen tonsils, exhaustion, ear aches, headaches, body aches - really sick. I remember going on a date to a Holiday party and being so sick that I couldn't eat at the dinner. I ordered a milk shake instead and I honestly thought I was going to choke to death in my attempt to get the liquid past my huge green, pus covered tonsils. I never told my date that I was having a hard time even drinking water and that I was so sick that I had no business being out at all. I kept a smile on my pretty face and played the part of the perfect date. I went home and crashed and by morning I couldn't talk anymore. My mom tried to get me up for school and I refused, she was so angry, I think she thought I was exaggerating. My dad came home from work and when he realized I couldn't speak he told my mom to take me to a doctor. She did that afternoon and I was hospitalized for a week with MONO. The doctor couldn't believe how dehydrated I had become and that I wasn't at the doctors office much sooner.
Years go by, I have 2 kids and I am really over working myself. I was working full time, going to school online, PTA treasurer, and all around Super Mom, at least trying REALLY hard to be. I was experiencing chronic pain and fatigue, but I pushed it aside as best I could. There would be days when seemingly out of no where my glands would swell and I would just ache in my muscles and joints. I really felt that I was weak, unhealthy - not just in a physical sense but not worthy to handle my life. I felt like a failure. I would occasionally have to leave work 1/2 day and go home and crash before the kids came home and the merry-go-round started all over again. I just wouldn't listen to my body and it was begging me to slow down, sending me all sorts of warning signs. The fatigue and muscle/joint aches just continued to get worse and it lead to a preliminary diagnosis of Fybromyalgia.
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