When you are young a fight with a friend seems HUGE. End of the world, ultimate betrayl, stabs in the back that can NEVER be forgiven.
I remember those raw emotions when I felt hurt or betrayed. They hurt to the core. When you are trying to figure out who you are and where you belong the friendships are ancors in a crazy sea that will toss you about. I also remember quite a few times when I was the one that damaged the friendship. Looking back now, I realize the mistake I made was giving up on frienship. At the time, I didn't see a choice. I had to stand up for my principals, not forgive a hurt, or not really apologize. Now looking back I can see where there was a choice.
The friendship that ended because I didn't want to get myself in trouble so I blamed her for our sneaking out of the house. My parents didn't think that she was a good influence and I am sure her parents were not too fond of me either. I should have owned the actions, taken the punishment, and fought for that friendship to continue. Twenty two years later we are now friends on facebook and I marvel at how similiar we still are. What a missed opportunity to have a life long friend.
The friendship that ended because I started to date a guy that my friend liked. I knew she liked him, it should have stopped me, but it didn't. Turned out that the guy was a complete dud. Contolling, manipulating, and weak all at the same time. So not worth losing the friendship. I made the mistake, should have truely apologized and worked to repair that friendship. I didn't apologize. I let pride stand in my way and that bond was lost.
Then there was the friendship I ended on principal. I was newly married and trying to figure out how to be a wife and mother. Lisa came into my life and we instantly hit it off. She was a burst of life and color and we often double dated. Then I found out that she cheated on her husband and then decided to leave him. I was so upset for her husband, felt terrible for him and was shocked by her behavior. I judged her, didn't try to understand what her motives were and why she felt so incomplete in her marriage. I decided that she had a scarlet letter and ended my friendship. Looking back now, life is not so cut and dry. Do I agree with cheating on your spouse? Absolutely not. However, now I can understand that when people are desperate, they do desperate things. Chastising her didn't help either of us. Another friendship lost.
I am older now, matured some, and am realizing that we are on earth to perfect our souls for God. In a nutshell, I am not perfect and I can't expect others to be as well - we are all working on it. I have let others go from my life, but only after long thought and consideration. Sometimes we have to prune the dying blooms from our bush so that new blooms will flower. I have a few good girlfriends that I keep in touch with and hold dear. Long gone are the days of sleepovers and sneaking out, now I am grateful for the texts, occassional emails, facebook chats, and sharing pictures of our lives.
I have daughters now and see the drama that takes place is similiar to what I once went through. Misunderstandings, mean words spoken, secrets and trust betrayed. For these girls, these arguments are huge, life altering, and devestating. I get it, however I try to give them another perspective. Are the short term hurts worth a long time of not having the joy of friendship with that person?
Friendship is precious and true friendships are rare. They need nurturing, work and understanding.
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